They came for documentation. They left with trauma.
Monday – Surprise Inspection
Auditor showed up unannounced.
James: “Oh no. Not again.”
Auditor: “Please produce your security documentation.”
James handed them a Post-it: “Yell at ISP.”
Tuesday – Minh’s Miracle
Minh quietly produced a 40-page wiki he’d been building in secret.
Auditor: “…this is actually… good?”
James: “We pass?”
Yusuf: “Minh is documentation.”
Wednesday – Panic at the Policies
Auditor asked for incident reports.
Josh handed in a drawing of a printer on fire.
Drew: “Technically accurate.”
James screamed when asked about HIPAA training logs.
Minh calmly handed over a laminated binder. Auditor bowed.
Thursday – The Exit Interview
Auditor interviewed staff.
James: “My coping mechanism is screaming.”
Josh: “I once fixed a server with a spoon.”
Auditor: “…noted.”
Friday – Certification Granted
Auditor granted them compliance.
James cried.
Josh hugged a server rack.
Minh just sipped tea and nodded.
Epilogue – Sacred Binder
Yusuf taped the compliance certificate to the coffee machine.
Label: “Worship This.”
Frank: “I’ve never been audited. Truck’s too fast.”