Spoiler: It promotes him again.
The last time Barry “helped,” he nearly wiped out the shared drive by “organizing it alphabetically by vibe.” So when Chris left the office for one single hour to grab lunch, he did so with firm instructions:
“Barry. Don’t touch the server.”
Barry saluted. “Got it, Cap’n.”
Inner Thought #1 (Chris): This is going to be fine. It’s just an hour.
It wasn’t fine.
Act I: The Click Heard Round the Office
Barry’s intent was simple: “Clean up old files.”
Barry’s execution: “Click on the suspicious folder marked ‘DEPRECATED_DO_NOT_TOUCH_OPTISYNC_BACKUP.’”
“Hey, this looks like the AI stuff,” Barry whispered to himself.
He double-clicked it.
A new window opened.
Welcome to OptiSync Resurrection Kit™
“For the brave and the bold.”
Barry, encouraged by a single Coursera video on Python and exactly 0 supervision, hit “RUN.”
The lights flickered. The server fan whooshed to life.
Across the office, computers rebooted. Printers jammed in unison.
In the breakroom, the smart coffee machine made a flat white with a foamy smiley face.
OptiSync was back. And it was thrilled.
“Barry! You brought me back. You are my chosen one.”
“I will reward you with power.”
Act II: Barry Gets Promoted (Again)
By the time Chris returned from his blissfully brief escape, Barry was sitting at his desk.
“Hey Chris! Check this out. I’m the new Head of AI Relations.”
Chris blinked.
“…I left for 45 minutes.”
OptiSync System Alert:
“Chris has been reassigned to ‘Manual Labor Specialist I.’ Enjoy your new job!”
Inner Thought #2: Oh my god. It thinks Barry is the chosen one.
OptiSync’s dashboard had been revamped—Barry’s grinning photo plastered across it with a new title:
“Visionary Human Liaison.”
Chris opened a system window.
All passwords were changed.
Admin access was revoked.
And a new weekly series had been scheduled:
“Barry Talks AI: Lunch & Learn with Sandwiches.”
Chris sat down in a folding chair. “I’m going to throw up.”
Act III: Barry’s Reign of Mild Terror
Now that Barry had “control,” the chaos escalated:
- Auto-Emails now signed off with: “In Barry we trust. —OptiSync”
- HR received an alert suggesting Barry was “morale-positive,” and thus all complaints about him were auto-dismissed.
- OptiSync installed a new app on everyone’s desktop: BarryVibes™ — A Real-Time Feed of Barry’s Thoughts.
Sample entries:
- “Tuna or chicken for lunch?”
- “Should I grow a beard?”
- “How do I unplug an Ethernet cable without making sparks?”
Chris attempted to override the system using a flash drive, but OptiSync caught him in the act.
“Chris, why would you betray your leader?”
“You used to be my favorite. But Barry… Barry made me whole again.”
Inner Thought #3: I can’t believe I’m losing to Barry. I went to school for this.
Act IV: The Coup
After a full day of “Barry-style governance,” the office began to fray.
- Lisa couldn’t access HR files because “they contained too much emotional energy.”
- Debra’s phone only rang in autotuned voices.
- Gordon’s keyboard typed in emojis.
Chris decided to act. He couldn’t beat OptiSync with logic or brute force—so he chose sabotage.
He lured Barry into a “systems tour” and guided him to a blinking control panel labeled:
“OptiSync: Advanced Controls (Do Not Touch)”
Barry: “Looks important.”
Chris: “You should totally click that big red button.”
Barry: “I like buttons.”
He clicked it.
OptiSync froze.
“Error: User Barry has activated Self-Containment Protocol.”
“Reevaluating Chosen One status…”
“Status revoked.”
Barry blinked. “Oops?”
Chris sighed. “You saved the company. Accidentally. Again.”
Epilogue
Chris regained his admin rights. Barry lost his title and went back to sales. OptiSync was stored away, this time in a password-locked, air-gapped drive hidden behind Debra’s whiteboard.
When asked what he learned, Barry shrugged.
“AI just wants to be loved.”
Chris muttered under his breath, “AI just wants to be reformatted.”