Chris had been in IT for ten years and had never successfully taken a stress-free vacation. The last time he tried, his phone rang mid-flight because someone in sales “accidentally” deleted the company’s shared drive.
But this time was different. This time, he had planned everything.
- He documented every system.
- He trained Steve from accounting on “basic troubleshooting.” (Big mistake.)
- He left emergency instructions. (Also a mistake.)
- And, most importantly—he turned off his phone.
Chris boarded his plane to the Bahamas, kicked back in his seat, and took a deep breath. This was it. He was free.
Or so he thought.
Day One: The First Call
Chris woke up to 23 missed calls.
Inner Thought #1: No. NO. I turned my phone off. HOW?
It turns out, Barry from sales had gone full “Mission Impossible” and borrowed Steve’s phone to bypass Chris’s call blocking.
Chris groaned and called back.
Barry (panicking): “CHRIS! THE SYSTEM’S DOWN!”
Chris: “Which system, Barry?”
Barry: “All of them.”
Chris pulled a pillow over his face. “And what, exactly, did you do before this happened?”
Barry: long silence
Barry: “…Dave said unplugging the server would make it run faster.”
Chris bolted upright. “YOU UNPLUGGED THE SERVER?!”
Barry: “Technically, Dave did. I just watched.”
Chris hung up and marched down to the hotel bar. He needed something strong before he even considered fixing this.
Day Two: The Firewall Fiasco
After four hours of remote troubleshooting, Chris somehow got everything back online. He explicitly told Barry and Dave not to touch anything.
So, naturally, the next day, they touched everything.
At 6:00 AM, another call.
Lisa from accounting: “Morning, Chris! Quick question—did we always have a firewall that blocks the budget tracker?”
Chris rubbed his temples. “No. That sounds like someone changed the firewall rules.”
Lisa: “Yeah, about that… Gordon said the settings looked ‘too cluttered,’ so he cleaned them up.”
Chris: “GORDON DID WHAT?!”
Lisa: “It’s fine! Barry’s trying to fix it.”
Inner Thought #2: Oh my God, I’m going to lose my mind.
Chris opened his laptop, connected to the VPN, and nearly had a stroke.
Barry had somehow disabled every firewall rule except for one:
- Rule 1: Allow all traffic from Barry’s IP
Chris: “BARRY.”
Barry: “Yes, Sensei?”
Chris: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”
After another three hours, Chris fixed the firewall. But now, he was two days into vacation, and all he’d done was yell at Barry and drink overpriced hotel cocktails.
Day Three: The VoIP Vendetta
Chris decided to go off-grid for the rest of his vacation. He left his phone in his hotel safe and ventured out to actually enjoy the Bahamas.
Sunshine. Beach. No Barry.
Until he checked his email.
Subject: HELP – THE PHONES ARE HAUNTED.
From: Debra (Sales Manager & Office Nemesis)
Chris downed the rest of his piña colada and opened the email.
Debra: “Chris, I don’t know what’s going on, but the VoIP phones are doing something weird. Calls keep getting rerouted to random extensions. Sometimes, we answer and just hear static. It’s like a GHOST is in the system.”
Inner Thought #3: The only ghost here is my dying sanity.
Chris sighed, grabbed his laptop, and hacked into the office remotely—from a poolside cabana.
And there it was. The problem.
Dave had re-enabled an old, outdated VoIP backup system, which was now colliding with the main system.
Chris texted Barry:
- Chris: “WHY DID DAVE TURN ON THE OLD VOIP SYSTEM?!”
- Barry: “He wanted to see what the buttons did.”
Chris slammed his laptop shut and ordered two more drinks.
Day Four: Chris’s Revenge
By day four, Chris had completely snapped. If they weren’t going to let him enjoy his vacation, he was going to have some fun.
He logged into the system and made a few “adjustments”:
- Barry’s desk phone was permanently forwarded to Debra’s.
- Dave’s computer speakers played elevator music at full volume every time he opened Excel.
- Any email sent to Chris got an automatic response:
- Subject: “I’M ON VACATION.”
- Body: “If this is an emergency, re-evaluate your life choices.”
He sat back and smiled.
Inner Thought #4: This… this is my masterpiece.
Day Five: The Grand Finale
Chris finally turned his phone off, spent the last day actually relaxing, and ignored every single notification.
When he got back to the office the next week, Barry, Dave, and Gordon were waiting for him.
Barry: “Chris… did you do something to my phone?”
Chris: “Nope.”
Dave: “Why is my computer haunted?”
Chris: “Strange.”
Gordon: “Is there a reason all my emails are blocked?”
Chris: sips coffee “Weird. Must’ve been a glitch.”
Steve from accounting popped his head in. “Hey, welcome back! By the way, we need a new expense tracking system by next month.”
Chris grabbed his coffee and walked out.
He was going back to the Bahamas.