Where tickets multiply, patience evaporates, and not one job is ever actually “done.”
Monday – It Begins With a Calendar Bomb
Drew arrived at 8:00 AM to find 17 new tickets, all marked “Urgent Before Holiday.”
The word “urgent” was in all caps. So was “holiday.”
James was already pacing in the hallway, clutching a tablet like a bomb detonator.
“WE HAVE TO CLEAR THE QUEUE BEFORE FRIDAY OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”
Frank walked in with a thermos and no reaction.
Josh was watching a YouTube video titled “Learn 25% of VMware in 4 Minutes.”
Minh already had his first ticket loaded and gone before anyone noticed he’d arrived.
Yusuf brought in two laptops and a basket of vegetables.
“Tomatoes calm me,” he said, plugging in a monitor.
Tuesday – The Pushback Begins
James was back at it.
“WHY IS THIS TICKET STILL IN ‘SCHEDULED’ STATUS?!”
Drew: “Because it’s scheduled. That’s what the status means.”
James: “BUT THE CLIENT WANTS IT DONE TODAY.”
Minh walked by, handed Drew a flash drive, nodded, and left.
It was for the same ticket.
Already finished.
Meanwhile, Josh tried to close a client’s ticket by suggesting they “just reboot everything for a weekend refresh.”
They rebooted.
Including their router.
And their VoIP system.
They called back screaming.
Josh’s reply?
“I didn’t say which weekend.”
Wednesday – The Escalation Spiral
James exploded into the room:
“THREE CLIENTS CALLED ME PERSONALLY! WHY DID THEY SAY NO ONE’S COMING UNTIL NEXT WEEK?!”
Drew, who hadn’t had a full cup of coffee yet:
“Because no one is coming until next week.”
Josh waved from the back:
“Can’t we just remote in and push a patch or something?”
Drew: “It’s a physical install.”
Josh: “Oh. Can we… virtualize it?”
Frank stood up, walked to the whiteboard, and under “Open Tickets” wrote:
“We’ll finish what we finish. Let freedom ring.”
Yusuf handed out mini cucumber sandwiches to reduce blood pressure.
Thursday – Collapse and Collapse Harder
The ticket queue was on fire.
Literally—someone accidentally used a fire emoji in the client portal.
James read every open ticket out loud.
Every. Single. One.
“Randy’s Barbecue: Needs Wi-Fi booster before weekend”
“Wichita Clinic: Printer jammed AGAIN”
“Law office: Email search not working—again”
“UNKNOWN CLIENT: Issue says ‘Stuff is bad. Help.’”
Yusuf muttered, “This is why I cook.”
Josh was halfway through “fixing” a network loop he created Tuesday.
Minh was quietly replacing hard drives in a dentist office two towns over.
Frank fixed the Wichita printer remotely, then told no one.
Drew tried to explain to James:
“Clients want things done before the weekend, but they submitted tickets after business hours.”
James screamed:
“WE ARE A TIME MACHINE, DREW. MAKE US A TIME MACHINE.”
Friday – Everyone Breaks (Slightly)
The day started with Yusuf bringing in roasted zucchini and a perfectly functional fax machine he found behind a liquor store.
“I refurbished it. Now it sends inspirational quotes.”
Minh handed Drew a folder.
All five of his tickets closed.
Verified.
Documented.
Signed.
Stamped.
Drew wanted to cry.
Josh updated five tickets with the same note:
“Will revisit after long weekend. Current fix semi-functional but hopeful.”
Frank opened a Mountain Dew. The act alone meant it was serious.
James was standing on a chair, yelling into a Bluetooth headset, spinning around like a DJ.
“YES, WE’RE SENDING SOMEONE. YES, WE HAVE PEOPLE. YES, I’M ALIVE BUT BARELY.”
Drew took one last call from Mike, the owner:
“Is everything going okay?”
Drew paused.
Then calmly said:
“Yes. It’s fine.”
He turned, looked at the team—Josh trying to rewire a switch with zip ties, Frank doing math with an actual calculator, Yusuf frying an egg on a warm server, Minh vanishing into thin air—
And James standing on a chair shouting at an unplugged headset.
Drew nodded.
“Totally fine.”
Epilogue – The Long Weekend Approaches
James collapsed in a chair.
“We did it, right?”
Drew looked at the board.
42 open tickets.
12 moved to “next week.”
7 marked “Client Unavailable.”
1 that just said “Honk if broken.”
“Sure, James. We did it.”
Yusuf handed out hummus.
Josh asked, “Does DNS reset over long weekends?”
Minh emailed one final closed ticket from an airport.
And Drew finally logged out.
He was going camping.
No cell signal.
No internet.
No tickets.
He was ready to forget “client: stuff is bad” ever existed.