It was supposed to be educational. It became legendary.
Monday – The Spark of an Idea
After two weeks of near-death experiences, scorched routers, and printers channeling the spirit of Zeus, James decided the problem wasn’t the clients.
“It’s us, people. We’re not educating the public.”
Drew groaned audibly. “Please don’t do this.”
Too late. James rolled out a whiteboard and drew a lightning bolt. “I’m going to teach a seminar. A live one. This Friday.”
Josh clapped. “Can I run tech for it?”
Drew and Minh answered in unison: “No.”
Tuesday – The Preparation Begins (Badly)
James converted the breakroom into “The Learning Zone.”
He brought in:
- A rubber mat (“for safety vibes”)
- A Tesla coil he bought off Facebook Marketplace
- An inflatable lightning bolt
- A laser pointer shaped like a finger
He printed 50 copies of his 3-slide PowerPoint:
Slide 1: “Lightning is fast and angry.”
Slide 2: “Electricity lives in the walls.”
Slide 3: A meme of Pikachu getting zapped.
Yusuf watched silently and labeled a first-aid kit “James Recovery Kit.”
Wednesday – Dress Rehearsal Disaster
At 3 PM, James forced the team into a test run.
His opener: “Good morning, Kansas… are you READY to SURGE?!”
Frank immediately walked out.
He then tried a “live demo” using a toaster, a battery, and a fork.
Drew dove across the room to unplug it.
Minh held up a sign: “We are not insured for this.”
Josh whispered, “I think this counts as performance art.”
Yusuf handed out hummus to calm everyone.
Mike, watching from the doorway, said: “If the projector catches fire, he’s paying for it.”
Thursday – The Invitation Email
James sent out a company-wide blast:
Subject: “⚡ FRIDAY – Learn to Fear Lightning with Me ⚡”
“Join me for a mind-blowing 17-minute PowerPoint journey through electricity, chaos, and how to NOT become toast.”
Client RSVPs included:
- “We’ll come if there’s snacks.”
- “Is this satire?”
- “Will there be real lightning?”
- “No.”
Mike forwarded it to Drew with one line:
“I’m going to be ‘in a meeting’ during this. Good luck.”
Friday – The Main Event
10:00 AM – The seminar begins.
Drew is operating the projector. It’s already overheating.
Josh is handling “crowd control” with a laminated lightning emoji.
Minh and Yusuf are standing by with the surge kits, just in case.
Frank has a chair in the hallway and headphones on.
10:04 – James enters wearing a bike helmet and rubber gloves.
He shouts, “HUMANS! YOU HAVE ANGERED THE SKY GODS WITH BAD OUTLETS!”
10:07 – He points at Yusuf.
“THIS MAN KNOWS HOW TO DEFEND YOUR CORDS!”
Yusuf slowly raises a Surge Pack and nods once.
10:10 – Slide 2 appears.
Electricity is labeled “chaos noodles.”
10:13 – Attempted demonstration with static electricity and a wool sock.
Sock explodes. Smoke detector chirps.
James shouts, “WE’RE LIVE, BABY!”
10:15 – The projector dies.
Minh silently swaps it out. No one sees him move.
10:17 – Q&A Session.
Client: “Should I unplug my house when it rains?”
James: “You should unplug your fears.”
Drew unplugs the mic.
10:20 – Seminar ends.
Clients clap. Possibly sarcastically.
James bows. “Another mind saved.”
Epilogue – Aftermath
James immediately sends a follow-up email titled:
“Thanks for Surging With Me 🔥”
Mike replies-all:
“Please never do this again.”
Frank mutters, “Weirdest Friday since the pancake server fire.”
Josh uploads a 3-part YouTube series titled: “James vs. Electricity.”
Yusuf frames the sock. Minh labels it “Exhibit A.”
And Drew? Drew writes one sentence in his log:
“No injuries. One charred sock. Acceptable loss.”