Monday – Oh No, an Envelope
The moment Drew opened the FedEx envelope marked “Midwest Compliance Consultants – Security Audit”, he knew this week was doomed.
James reacted as expected—by yelling.
“WE’RE BEING AUDITED?!”
Then he printed every open ticket and posted them on the wall like wanted posters.
Josh tried to help by adding emojis. “Maybe it’ll soften the compliance guy?”
Tuesday – Judgment Day
At 9:01 AM, a man named Mr. Ellis walked in. Pinstripe suit. Clipboard of doom. Eyes that scanned people like malware detectors.
James greeted him by handing him a laminated brochure titled:
“Why Kansas Tech is a Fortress of Digital Safety.”
Mr. Ellis stared blankly.
“We’ll see.”
Findings (Rapid-fire mode):
- Guest Wi‑Fi wide open: ❌
- James listed as “admin” on three routers: ❌
- One office still using “1234” as a printer passcode: ❌
- Yusuf and Minh’s DIY surge kits: ✅
- Josh’s “encrypted” client report in an Excel file named “passwords-final-V7.xlsx”: ❌❌❌
Mr. Ellis simply wrote, “Needs remediation.”
Exit Interview:
Drew held his breath.
“47% compliant,” Ellis said. “A little worse than expected. But the surge protection? Surprisingly robust.”
Mike, listening on speaker, sighed: “I’ll take it.”
Aftermath:
James was told to never speak during an audit again.
Josh now has “no unsupervised Excel” status.
And Drew added “Don’t panic when the auditor arrives” to the internal wiki.